It's A Team Effort

The last few days I've been questioning some of the things we've always done with the girls.  It was easier to make these decisions and stick with them when we were isolated in our last town.  While we had plenty of offers from friends to watch the kids, we rarely had anyone watch them unless there was a situation that required both of us to go and they couldn't go with us.  I think that may have happened twice in 3 years.

I read Mayim Bialik's book "Beyond the Sling" about a year ago.  While there were plenty of things that I did not agree with in the book, I really related to her feelings about how she and her husband handle child care with their busy and chaotic schedules.  She talked about the fact that whenever possible, she and her husband coordinated their schedules so that one of them was home with her boys, negating any need for outside childcare.

It has little to do with trusting those who have offered to take care of the girls and more to do with my opinions about what feels right for us.  I like the idea of one of us being available for the girls when they need food, comfort, reassurance, or anything else they might require.  While others can provide those things, no one knows the girls like we do.

I should probably clarify this by saying that all of this would be out the window if I had a need to return to work tomorrow.  I have had the ability to choose to stay home with the girls and the flexibility to make these decisions, but they are not set in stone.  This is also not to say that this is how all families should handle their business.  I don't think it's best for everyone, but it's best for us right now.

I'm sure some people are thinking this idea is a bit overprotective, but it won't continue forever. Right now, my girls are incapable of advocating for themselves.  If their caretaker forgets about a food or environmental allergy, neither of the girls can speak up.  In a few years, the girls will have no problem with this and it won't even be a concern.

In addition, I don't have to worry about breaking bad habits after they come home, because the expectations have remained the same.  That doesn't mean that people don't get to spoil them some when I'm around, but it does mean that the girls cannot take advantage of the situation.  Toddlers don't do so well with conditional situations and so until they understand better, this is easier for all involved.

As our situation has recently changed, I know that there are many things that will need to to be adjusted while living here.  So, as the issues come up, we will begin addressing them.


Last night, my husband and I had the following conversation:

Me: I'm fairly sure people think they're hearing my helicopter blades thumping when I tell them that the girls rarely go anywhere without you or me.

Him: Perhaps, but I'm not sure why it's an issue. Other people raise their kids the way they want and if this is how we want to do it, then who gets any say.

(About this time, it occurred to me that by just assuming he wanted to take the girls every where with us, I had never asked his opinion about this general rule I had instituted.)

Me: I can count on my hands the number of times we've been out by ourselves on a "date night". I don't feel like we're missing out on anything by taking the girls with us everywhere, do you?

Him: I don't like the phrase "missing out".  I don't think we're missing anything.  Of course we enjoy time together, but I feel like something is missing when we're without the girls.  After the first 10 minutes, I start to wonder what they're doing and I get anxious to get back home to them.  This isn't a permanent change either.  As they grow up, we'll do things differently.

Me: Exactly.  So you agree with how we've done things up until now?

Him: If I didn't like it, we'd have discussed changing it.  They're happy and healthy, so we must be doing something right.


That is how 99% of the child rearing conversations go in our house.  The other 1% is usually me questioning my ability to handle being a mom and those are quickly turned into discussions about what kinds of things can make dealing with 2 toddlers less overwhelming.  

Also, in case you hadn't figured it out by now, my husband is kind of amazing.